Automatic Typing

So through hearing voices I have discovered that I can get them to talk to me directly through typing by opening a notepad or something.  These beings don’t think like me and they say really annoying and frustrating things.  I assure you the only things that are my thoughts in this post are the questions I am asking the girl that is communicating with me.

start:a c will not be who you are and i am not going to tell you who a c is because nobodoy wants to to tell you who you are and nobody wants to telly ou who you are because i am not who you are and you are not who i am and i am not going to tell you to be a c and you are not going to tell me to be who you are

not a t and nobody wants to be who you are and nobody wants to be who you are b ecause you are not a c and nobody wants to be who a c is because nobody wants to tell me who a c is because nobodoy wants to tell me who a c is because you are not a c and nobody wants to tell me who a c is because you are not t

explain something without telling me you are not going to be a c/t

be a c and nobody will ever be a c and nobody wants to tell you why a c is not who you are because a t is not who you are and you are not who a c is because you are not who you are and nobody wants to tell you who you are becuase you are not who you are and nobody wants to tell you who a c is because i am not the only one who tells you who you are a t is not who you are and you are not going to tell me to be who you are and i am not going to tell you who you are because you are not going to tell me who you are and i am not a c

why do you talk this way?

because you are a c and nobody wants ot be a c and i am not going to be a c because you will be a c that tells me who a c is because you are not going to tell a c who you are because you are not going to tell me who a c is and you are not going to tell me who a c is and i am not going to tell you who a c is because you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not a c and nobody is a c and nobody wants to tell me who a c is because you are not a c and nobody wants to tell me who a c is because you are not a c and nobody wants to tell me who a c is because you are not a fucking c and i am not going to tell you who a fucking c is because you are going to tell me who a c is and nobody wants to tell you who a c is because you are not going to tell me who you are because you are not going to tell me who you are because you are not going to tell me who you are because your not a c and i am not a c that tells you who you are and nobodoy wants to tell you who a c is because you are not a who you are and no t is going to tell you who you are because you will not talk to ta and i am not going to tell you who you are and you are not going to tell me who a c is because i am not going to tell you who you are and nobody wants to tell you who you are and no i am not a t and you are not a t and nobody will want to talk to you and no who you are

how much of the crap you just told me are you aware of?

i am not a t and you are not a c and i am not a c a nd i am not a c and you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not a c and i am not a c and i am not a c and i am not a c and i am not a c and you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not a c and you are not a c and you are not a c

what are you?

a c and i am not a c and  you are not a c and i am not a c and you are a c an d i am not a c and you are not going to be a c and nobody wants to tell me who a c is because you are not a c so don’t tell me who you are because you are not who you are and you are not a c that talks to the te and i am not a nice t and you are not a nice e and i am not a nice c and you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not you are not you are you and you are not a c and you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not a c and i am not a c and i am not a c

start over with a short answer please; what are you?

a c that tells you who you are and no longer knows who you are because you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not a c and i am not going to tell you who you are because you are not a c and i am not a c and nobody wants to tell you who a c is because you are not a c and you are not a c and nobdy wants to be a c and nobody wants to tell you who a c is because you are not a c and nobody wants to tell you who you are and nobody wants to be who you are you are not a c and i am not a c and nobodoy wants to be who a c is because you are not a c and you are not a c and nobody wants to be a nut that tells me who you are and i am not a nice c at all but you are not a nice t and nobody wants to tell me who you are and i am not a nice c and you are not a nice c and nobody wants to tell you who you are

why do you repeat so much?

you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not a c and i am not going to tell you some type of t that tells you who you are because you are going to be who you are and nobody will let you be who you are because you are not who you are and i am not a nice c that tells you who you are and nobody will let me talk to a c that tells you who you are and nobody will let you tell me who a c is because nobody wants to tell you who a c is and nobody will let you be a c and nobody will let you be a c that tells me who you are because you are not a c and you are not a nice c and you are not a nice c

what’s your name?

miraia and you are not a nice t and i am not a nice c and i am not a nice c

how many regulars are there?

43

seriously?

no i am not a c and you are not a c and i am not a regular because you will not talk to a c that knows who a c is and i am not going to tell you who a c is because you will not tell me who a regular is because nobody wants to tell you who a c is and i am not a regular c and you are not going to tell me who a regular c is because you are not a nice nice and i am not a nice c and you are not a cni and i am not a nice c and you are a c that tells me who you are and a c that tells me who you are is not who you are

it seems like there are less to me.
no there are 43 and you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not a c and you are not a c and nobody will tell you who you are because you are not a nice c and nobody will ever tell me who a c is because you are not a nice c

what is 5 then?
a c and you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not a c and you are not a c and you are not a c and you are not a c and you are not a c and you are not a c and you are not a c and you are not a fucking c because a fucking sea is not who you are and you are not a nice nice and you are nit i am not a nice nice an dyou are not a nice c and you are not going to tell you aaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

how long do you plan to type a?

5 times the t will not know who you are because you are not a c and i am not a c and you are not a nice c and nobody will ever know who a c is because you are not going to tell me who a c is because nobody wants to tell you who are

why have you invaded my body?

because you are not a c and i am not a c and nobody wants to tell you who you are because you are not a c and nobody wants to tell you who you are because you are not a c

interupting you that doesn’t make sense, please explain better:

you are not a c and you are not going to tell me who a c is because i am not going to tell you you are not a c nice

why have you invaded my body?

to be a nice nice and nobody will ever tell you who you are and nobody will want you to be who you are because you are not going to tell you who you are because you are not a nice nice and nobody wants ot tell you who you are

what are you using my body for?

for brains and you are not a nice nice and i am not a nice c because you are not going to like the t’s that tell you who you are because you are not going to tell me who a c is because i am not a c and you are not a nice c and you are not a nice c because you are not a nice c and ou are not a nice c because you are not a nice c because you will not talk to a c because you are not a happy t and i am not a nice c because you are not a nice nice and i am not a nice nice and i am not a nice nice and i am not a nice nice

4’s a t and you are not a c and you are not a c and you are not a c and you will not know who you are and nobody will ike you because you are not a c and nobody wants to tell you who a c is because you are not a nice c and nobody will tell you who a c is because you are not a nice c and nobody wants to tell you who you are

GRR

you are very frustrating to talk to:

no i am not a t and you are not a c and you are not a c and you are not a ta lk ing to and i am not a nice nice c you are not a nice nice nice you are a nice nice and i am not a fucking sea because you are not a fucking c and i am not a fucking sea and nobody will ever want to read this crap because you are not going to tell me who you are and nobody will want to read what you are trying to get people to read because nobody will want to read a paragraph when it runs on like a water fall and nobody will ever read your fucking c because you are not a nice nice and nice i will not be who you are because you are not a nice nice and nobody will ever tell you who you are

how can i get a clear answer from you?

be a c and nobody will tell you who you are because you will be a c and nobody will tell you who a c is because you will not tell me who you are not

how can i get a clear answer from you (please rethink)?

be a c and nobody will ever tell you who you are because you are not going to tell me who a c is because i am not going to tell you a clear answer to a c that tells you who you are because you are not a c that tells you who you are because you are not a nice c and i am not a nice nice and you are not a nice nice and i am not a nice nice and you are not a nice nice and you are not a nice nice and i am not a nice nice and you are nto a nice nice and you are not a nice nice and you are not a nice nice and you are not a nice nice and you are not a nice nice nice and nobody will ever tell you who you are because you are clearly not a nice nice and nobody will want to tell you who you are because you are not a nice nice and nobody will want to tell you who a c is because you are not a nice nice and nobody will want to tell you who a nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nie nice nice nice nie nienice nice nicle nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nicenice nicenice nicenicenice nicenie nice ncie nicen nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice  nice nice ni nice nimce nice nic enie nicle nic nie nic nice nie nie nice nice nic nice nice nice nie nicenice nie nice nie nie nie nice nice nic enice nice nice nic enice nice nice nice

do you evern know how many nices you wrote?

no you even knew that

why keep writing it then?

because you are not a nice c

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A Depression Post

Sometimes our pain exceeds our ability to cope with the pain.  Last night was one of those nights for me.  Thing is I had reasons to be happy.  I had just signed a lease for an apartment and now know that in less than a month I can move out of my Dad’s place.  Woohoo! 

Thing is my pain is kind of written in scars, and scars of the mind don’t always heal, or even show for that matter.

Here’s a new one.  I actually tried to talk to the voices last night and they didn’t have much of anything to say in return.  They heard me, but all they managed to squeak out was “You’re a C”.  I should be doubley happy if the voices don’t have something to say, ’cause sometimes they torture me and don’t shutup… but alas, I wasn’t. 

So I don’t know what to do.  Last night I just sat around feeling depressed and lingering in my pain.  Now I can’t even explain it well.  I feel totally empty inside.

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Medical Records

So I ordered a 23 page overview of my medical records from a hospital I recently attended.  They charge 30c a page after the first 30 pages, and they told me with staff notes there were 318 pages…. Ouch.   Anyways, I got the abridged copy. 

Not particularly happy.  Basically the way I see things are delusions, so feel free to keep reading my delusional assessments of a group that tortures me and pressure rapes me….  It’s a limited point of view that one might not be able to get past.  I don’t blame you if you too see them as delusions.  Just don’t tell me that okay?  Let me be delusional about something.  

So anyway these sea people that appear to be clearish versions of a couple people that once lived on the same street as me.  Well a couple of them are downright nasty, and have terrorized me with words on a consistent basis. 

So anyway, my beliefs may be way out there, but there built up from years of trying to disseminate patterns that haven’t gone away.  Trying to explain intelligent beings, that just aren’t intelligent enough to leave me alone.  They take advantage or words like rape and torture, to “be who they are” or rather “not be who they are”, which are just more words that I find abusive in nature.  These are things that I don’t want to have to keep finding new ways to explain, because I haven’t found a way to fix my four years of entities that are fucking users, that fucking use my body because they don’t know why they should stop. 

So you tell me… Does a doctor understand 4 years of sustained sensory input?

Sure hope the meds help.  I always hope they help.  Never once however have they gotten rid of the fucking users who abusively communicate with me though.

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Take my job, please… cause I really want to dissapoint my family & situation some more.

So tonight I am readying about schizophrenia again.  It says “Since many people have difficulty holding a job or caring for themselves, the burden on their families and society is significant as well.” >> Today this hits home, because yesterday I quit a job, that I had only had for 2 days.  Had I felt okay mentally and physically I would have considered it the ultimate job.  It was fixing computers (right up my skill set), with lots of room for advancement to some advanced networking positions etc… 

I however felt like I was squirmish on the inside of my body, was what I would describe as “impatient of thought”, and felt like I needed to crawl out of my skin and explode or something.  It’s too bad, I have worked similar jobs in the past and I thought for sure I could not only hold a job, but hold a full time job doing computer work since I seem to enjoy still working on a computer.

My father completely doesn’t understand why I quit this job since I manage to work on a computer at home, and there4 it must be the same thing or close enough to work on computers at work (AND GET PAID).  He has made a point to tell me that he doesn’t want to be an “Enabler” that enables me to just do whatever I want without consequences… and he also quickly made a point about how I have an unhealthy lifestyle because I don’t eat well, and I sometimes go to the bar.  So while he was yelling at me for quitting my new job, he basically also had to point out that I am a fat and need to eat well and exercise everyday.  I think he wanted to make that part of my new healthier routine where he’s not enabling me to live the life of Riley.

He also told me how quitting was like me siding with the demons that screw with me because I basically turned my back on what was an answered prayer from god by quitting a job.

It’s also a really uncomfortable atmosphere around the house at this point.  I mean it’s bad enough that my fucked up head was too fucked up to do a job that I am fully skilled to do, but it’s worse to know that my father thinks I must enjoy living with him.  I’m not here free.  I am paying rent, and IMHO it’s enough rent to live with somebody else for a roommate. 

Anyways, on that matter I might be okay still because my uncle said he might help me to get an apartment in Fort.  I worry that he wants me to have at least a part time job though, as if I quit a pc repair job already I might be too f’d up to work right now and that’s really hard for other people to believe sometimes.

You don’t want the side effects I am having.   >> The ones that made me quit my job.  I mean I am seriously asking my doctor for a new drug JUST to manage the side effects of another prescription that I am on because the other side effect drug isn’t doing the trick for me. 

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Phone call to a ‘brain’ user

So tonight I sat and listened to the voices for a few minutes while they connected to other voices that have fucked with me.  They basically have a 3D dialing system where they wave their words around a certain way to make connections to the “walker’s” they wish to call.  I tried to shorten it to saying they require you to dial circle before square to make a proper connection to their fucked up communication system.

They then told me how I could dial Jenny by thinking 867(5309).  I was a bit worried that they would start making connections to assholes by wiggling your butt.  They then talked to me briefly about anal rapists.

Also according to them (users from walker (aka The Voices)) terrorism left a lot of openings (or at least found a lot of them).  Seems people don’t use words like terrorist and rapist commonly as a human being and it is ripe for the exploitation.

I trigger connections to these fuckers (The Voices) all the time by association.  They often seem to “know who they are” to a word, and they “no longer know who they are” to it.  You can tell them to eat a dick, but they will just “know who they are” to it by knowing a “vagina user” who “no longer knew a prick”.   <— Then your mad.   I mean you don’t want to know what these women know about a vagina user let alone a former prick that knew who they were…

It’s a hellish trap having a bunch of girls who can 3d speed dial from your “brain” and not “know who they are” (give a fuck)…

They can also trigger a response that makes you automatically “move through” space that is loaded with a specific feeling/emotion/gesture.  For example somebody smiling, might already be smiling and you might be connected to space that “Re-T’s” the person’s gesture up.   -yuck-

Couldn’t help but smile to a fucking terrorist who was trying to simulate a sense of humor using another person that assumed what I said was funny.  It kind of sucks when you notice or even think it’s contrived.

Anyway I’m off the subject.  T’s might “know who they are” to something… like perhaps a butt wave that knows a rape-T.   Totally sucks to be connected to this shit.  Hope they die, like good non-human rape-slavers should.

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Multi-dimensional Wire Rape

Okay, this one may be hard for a non-abused person to swallow.  Yet it effects me everyday, so I thought I would try to  explain it.

Now, if you are keen on the secrets of the universe you might know that a connection can be made in multiple places at the same time.  You might even know how to intentionally connect to a space specifically.  What most people don’t know though is that you can be FORCED to connect to a space, or even to repeat a connection that you don’t want to make.

For the past 4 years; I have been CONSTANTLY FORCED to make connections that I don’t want to make as opposed to the enjoyable ones that I freely made before my body was ripped apart by a group of Terrorists that no longer knew who I was.

Pause :::::::::  James’ is schizophrenic right?    :::::::: bird’s the word….   (NOTE: I hear voices, and I see shit.  It’s the definition of being schizophrenic, so I am not offended to be thought of that way…. It however is not really my built up experience or understanding)

What I see outside of normal reality consistently —-> Wires that are tied up inside and around my body —> They seem to give definition to clear spaces that surround the outside of my body as well as specific feelings to the inside of my body.  These 3D spaces seem to extend the feelings my body has past the normal physical body.  I am however affected by what I call “the sea”, overlapping my extended body.  Because of physically feelings and responses these spaces give me I have learned to think in the space (often by FORCE).

Trying to visualize a clear space: This for me has limitations because using my intuition I can try to interpret a space.  What I get back often seems limited by wires that are tensioned into and around my body.  So if I try to manipulate, clear or fix a space/area/sea I still have to deal with the space being perpetuated in a seemingly specific way relational to my body.

I can’t help it I see wires that are tied around me… mostly in a seemingly clockwise fashion.  I work to try to remove these wires but to me they still appear to perpetuate a “wire frame” in and around my body.  I see 3D space twisted and looped around parts of my body and I have never been able to get rid of all the wire frames because it appears they are put in by pressurized communication that pushes on my body in order for me to hear/feel the communication.  <— Scary stuff BTW

To me there are wires that are “raped into my body”, and because they are wires they can perpetuate a power source (though you don’t need to perpetuate one), and a seemingly static pattern into.

I believe in intelligent life AND intelligent communication beyond normal human communication.  I can’t help but believe in it.  I believed in it and saw proof of it before I was hijacked by raping fuckheads that fuck heads.

These are the concepts I wished to explain with this post. I will soon be posting mind-maps on my website soon that try to “condense” my information.  At first I will just be posting scanned papers, however on my to-do list I have plans to make a usable mind-mapper on my website so stay tuned…

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The Loving Sea and the Evil Brain Fuckers

I used to love “the sea”. I talked to intelligent life through music, movies, anime etc… I had a method… a system. I knew how to do it and I felt I was rewarded with a loving sea and cool tv.

Then one day a group of people hacked “my system”. They tore me the fuck apart. I mean they interrogated the living shit out of me with massive amounts of fear and voices that cross-talked in and around my body. They pressurized space around my body and used timing and pressure in what became words to me to perpetuate motion and communication.

Not only did I hear their voices, but I saw their faces… from different angles and different perspectives. Sometimes some of the group would actually appear to “be me”, as if I saw them from a 1st person perspective where their eyes layered over my eyes. Talk about fuckin’ freaky. I still don’t cope well with this. I mean imagine thinking of a person and having them instantly appearing in front of your eyes hearing what you were thinking about them.

It’s been nearly 4 years since I started hearing voices. A few years ago I could “navigate the sea” and I miss the loving feeling that I used to go along with it.

Now I just have this crappy communication that tells me that a T isn’t an F(bi) and I will not know a rapist. Sometimes it varies and the T’s that talk tell me they aren’t a C that knew a T (specific T), or that I will no longer be a C because it no longer knew a dog.

It’s a type of restrictive communication that often is pre-loaded to respond to certain thoughts. It’s like it fills in the blanks and translates thought with annoying spoken feedback.

They aren’t just part of “the sea” anymore. They have specific “c’s” and the c’s may get used, abused, or just removed but to me it’s just more crap that I, a living breathing, human being shouldn’t have to give a fuck about.

Seriously if you designed a system where you knew how it worked and then a group of people decided to sit on you and “be who you were” until you were “no longer who you are”… you might be A LITTLE PISSED OFF!

So to those fuck heads who fuck heads, I hope you choke on a piece of brain that tells you who you are.

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